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Book
Review: Secrets, Lies & Chat, by Yvette Moore
My exposure to the world of relationships via SMS
and online chatting is a story of misinterpretation,
"dodgy" meetings and generally negative
communication and outcomes.
Needless
to say I'm a committed "face-to-face" person,
in addition to also being a slightly reformed techno-phobe.
So,
when embarking on a foray into the seedy world of
chat and Internet "hook-ups" some years
ago, (urged by a girlfriend who sent pictures of herself
in a bubble bath to a retired army officer and a 21-year
old "spunk" builder), I myself met with
a 30-year old "accountant". Admittedly it
was with great trepidation that I organised a meeting
in a crowded café, only to see that "30,
an accountant" turned out to be 45 and unemployed.
These "errors" in themselves not a problem;
but dysfunctional, dishonest, lying and "only
after sex", were problems.
Let's
face it, the cues; verbal and non-verbal, the intuitive
responses to a persons persona and their general energy,
are only possible in the flesh. "We have so much
in common", is self-deception at its greatest.
I soon discovered I don't need to be in a relationship
with a man with the same interests as myself - dancing,
reading, movies - so what! Surely it's a persons approach
to life, their values, manners, attitudes are, and
these are only perceptible when in the company of
another. In short, "chatting" is a perfect
vehicle for deception.
Let's
consider for a moment who "resorts" to online
communication in the main. People without a social
circle or friends; people not engaged in life and
living. People frightened to front-up or fess-up,
maybe? People who would otherwise lurk in feted, dank
RSL "pokie" room corners, in a haze of smoke
and booze-doused air and vinyl chairs. Sure, not all
are these types. but many are desperados of some ilk.
The walking wounded needing a façade or front.
Perhaps (men especially) people looking only for bedroom
froickling under the guise of looking for a relationship.
Since
my experiences, I have conducted a random sample poll
of friends and acquaintances. Not one has had a positive
online experience.
One
girlfriend conducted a lengthy SMS flirtation with
a guy whose phone number she was given by a college.
Sight unseen they flirted relentlessly. She omitted
telling him that she was 35 and looking for "lurve".
He omitted to say that he was 22 and had a steady
girlfriend. The SMS-ing became steamy, with allusions
to oral fornication, damp zones of the body, outdoor
antics and more.
I
wasn't shocked when my friend admitted to their meeting
being a one-off sexual athletic encounter, unsatisfying
to all concerned. His girlfriend found out and my
friend didn't secure a relationship. She did secure
herpes however. Definitely a memorable "lasting"
union!
Clearly
in the right hands online or anonymous communication
allows otherwise inhibited folk to liaise with a certain
abandon, and I am sure there are some "happily
ever afters" to be reported; but Beware, take
care etc.
If
you want to quench your thirst for the elixir of online
dating, read Vena's true story. It offers the adventurer
without the bruising.
Online
folk are generally not in a context while chatting.
They have no networks to connect them with, so they
plug in, rendering them the masters of their own fantasies,
which their real world wouldn't allow.
I
may be old fashioned but "across a crowded room"
or meeting Mrs Blogs nephew are preferable options
for me and mine. Happy chatting.
Links:
Book
Reviews
Secrets,
Lies & Chat by Greg Tingle
Secets,
Lies & Chat by Greg Tingle & Yvette Moore
Interviews
Vena
McGrath
Jayne
Hitchcock
Articles
The
net effect - 24th April 2004
Cyberstalking
is more real than you think, by Greg Tingle
Dating
On The Internet, by Greg Tingle
Profiles
Yvette
Moore
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